Here are things to remember when hunting for the one, from online dating to dealing with rejection.
It’s difficult to date at any age, but it’s extremely difficult if you’ve been out of the game for a long time. The good news is that if you get past your first-date nerves, meeting new people can be a lot of fun and a great way to meet someone who could be a fantastic addition to your life. And you can have a serious relation in fifties.
When it comes to serious relation in fifties, what is the first truth? Recognize that it will not be the same as it was when you were in your twenties or thirties. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a sex and relationships researcher and author of Prime: Adventures And Advice On Sex, Love, And The Sensual Years, says, “You are not the same person you were back then.” That means who you’re attracted to — and what you’re drawn to — will be significantly different than it was when you were younger.
Furthermore, if you’ve been away from the dating environment for more than 20 or 30 years, you’ll notice that a lot has changed. For example, “ghosting” (terminating a relationship by cutting off communication without explanation) and “breadcrumbing” (sending just enough messages to keep someone interested but not enough to commit) have become the new standard. According to a licensed sex educator and relationship therapist, these behaviors have been there for a long time, but not to the level that they are now.
So, once you’ve re-entered the dating scene, how can you effectively handle all of these changes? Here are 11 dating pieces of advice for people over the age of 50.
Overcome your aversion to internet dating. It is the year 2022!
Meeting people online is most likely the largest change you’ve experienced since your previous date. However, “online dating is where it’s at” for most individuals over 50, according to Schwartz, who prefers paying sites. “That means the company has their credit card, and if they’re a terrible actor in any way, you can report them to the corporation, and they may be kicked off the site,” she continues. Sites like eHarmony, Match.com, and OurTime.com are recommended by Laino.
In my opinion, someone seeking a one-night fling has a better chance of finding a relationship than someone looking for a one-night affair, she says.
Working on your internet profile with a friend and having them “OK” your photo (which, by the way, should be recent—not from 20 years ago, according to Laino) is something Schwartz suggests.
Don’t panic if getting the hang of internet dating takes some time. I’ve discovered that many people who haven’t dated in a long time—even 15 or 10 years—have a learning curve.
However, don’t fully abandon old strategies
Despite the fact that online dating has become the norm for most singles, it’s always a good idea to diversify your dating options. According to Laino, there should be a blend of virtual and in-person sessions. Staying in one spot for an extended period of time is never a smart idea in my opinion.
Laino suggests having friends or family introduce you to possible matches, going on work outings, and joining Meetup.com meet-up groups for things like hikes and reading clubs to locate people who share your interests. Because it excludes the thought of a date, I believe that’s a really excellent use of both virtual and in-person, adds Laino.
If those tactics don’t work, Laino recommends using a dating service like It’s Just Lunch. Although they can be pricey, some services provide a more personalized experience, which means you’re more likely to find a good match right away. “You’re not simply online fishing; you’re having someone find a suitable mate or two for you,” Laino explains.
“The Pineapple Theory” should be internalized to have a serious relation in fifties
If you haven’t encountered dating rejection in a long time, it can be frustrating at best and cruel at worst. It’s important not to take rejection personally because it’s most likely unrelated to you.
Laino notes, “People refuse to accept people for a number of reasons.” “Sometimes it’s because they don’t have the courage to say, ‘Hey, I’m dating a couple of other people,'” says the author. Or, hey, you look like someone I know. Or, well, I get the impression you’re a friend. As a result, they just kind of vanish, and it comes across as a severe rejection.”
If you’re having trouble with rejection, Schwartz recommends remembering her “pineapple theory,” which goes like this: Someone doesn’t like pineapple, so when it’s served, they take it off their plate. However, there are many people that enjoy pineapple. It’s the same fruit, but for no obvious reason other than personal preference, some people love it and others despise it. The pineapple, on the other hand, is exactly what it is by nature—neither desirable nor repulsive. All it needs is someone who likes pineapples.
The same is true for you. So keep this in mind the next time you’re rejected: “You only need to locate the individual who has a taste for you”, so that you can have a serious relation in fifties.
Don’t give up if you’ve had a couple of poor dates
If you’re having trouble finding a mate, keep in mind that it’s rarely a pleasant or painless experience. It’s fine if you don’t meet your soul mate on your first, second, or third date. Dating is one of those experiences that has many highs and lows.
Recognize that you’ll most likely need to go on multiple dates with different people before you discover someone with whom you truly connect. That’s normal, so try not to give up after a few terrible dates, even if it’s easier said than done. It could take a year or more to discover the proper person, but if you’re determined, you’ll find them and have your serious relation in fifties.
Leave your baggage at the entry door
From failed relationships to health concerns to challenges with your children, we all have insecurities and baggage from our past. However, in order to get a serious relation in fifties and re-enter the dating world, you must be willing to let go of your baggage and not allow it to prevent you from finding future happiness with someone.
“‘People say to themselves, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve been divorced twice.’ I have three children. “Who’s going to desire me?” Laino wonders. “However, the baggage must be checked out the door because let’s face it, everyone has baggage.”
Have a broad concept of what you’re looking for
This is true for everyone over the age of 50 who is dating, but especially for those who have recently ended a long-term relationship. “If they’ve been married or in a long-term relationship and are now returning to dating, I see that as almost a time of coalescence—a time of growth,” Laino adds.
Before getting back into the dating world, think about what didn’t work in your previous relationship and how you can avoid a partner with those characteristics in the future. Your ideal relationship should not be a laundry list of features, but rather a few key characteristics that you believe make up a good partnership.
“Look for core similarities and consider what differences don’t important,” Schwartz advises. Religion and religious practices, for example, may be something you ignore or practice independently if you aren’t parenting children.
It’s also vital not to get too fixated on a certain idea of what you want or to slip into a pattern of searching for the same thing you did in your twenties. Consider what the ideal match is. For example, it may have been vital to you in the past that your partner holds a high-ranking position or earn a lot of money. However, you may now be financially secure enough to no longer consider that demand from a spouse. Be open to fresh modifications in what you’re looking for.
Maintain a casual tone for your first date, to make it a serious relationship in fifties
First dates may be stressful, especially if you haven’t been on one in a long time. What is Laino’s advice? “Keep it light and enjoyable,” she advises. “Don’t dwell too much on what your ex-partner did to you.” Body language follows the same rule. Make an effort to smile frequently and to sit erect and with your head raised to signal that you’re delighted to be spending time with this person.
Another subject you should aim to avoid or restrict is your children. “The last thing you want to do is sit down to dine with someone and have the entire discussion revolve around the kids,” Laino says. With a spark, it’s not going to help.
Provide three dates to a potential new companion untill you have serious relation in fifties
Getting to know someone takes time, so give it at least three dates to determine whether you click. If you put up a vision and go out on three dates, and you’re wondering whether this person is a good listener, notices you, or whatever, and you haven’t seen it after three dates, you probably won’t.
What’s another useful rule of thumb to remember? Keep your first date to a 20-minute coffee date, especially if you met someone online. “That’s enough for the initial introduction,” Schwartz adds, “yet it can feel very long for the wrong person.”
Have sex just when you’re comfortable (and be safe if you do)
Dating will almost certainly lead to sex at some time, but there’s no need to rush it. The first rule, in my opinion, is to avoid having sex just because you think you should. Because you are fully prepared, you have sex. You have a positive impression of the person as if they will not judge you.
Make your feelings about sex and what you’re comfortable with or uncomfortable with known to your partner. According to Laino, start the conversation by telling them you’re scared or haven’t had sex in a while, and then ask if you can take it easy.
“If you have some trust in the individual,” she says, “that should be a really nice conversation and not at all an issue.” When you’re ready to have sex, be sure you protect yourself. It doesn’t imply you shouldn’t use condoms just because you’re elderly and don’t have to think about pregnancy. There’s still a danger you’ll get a sexually transmitted infection or disease.
Don’t give in to the temptation of playing games
Remember sitting by the phone in your twenties, waiting for that guy to call and ask you out on a second date? You shouldn’t put up with it if you’re over 50.
If someone says they’ll call you and doesn’t, I think that’s the end of it at that age, say 50ish. Get out of the game and stop playing it.
Pay attention to his entire life, not just how “perfect” he appears to be to get a serious relation in fifties
If you’ve discovered the perfect guy—charming, he’s lovely, gorgeous, and smart—don’t let your rose-colored glasses prevent you from seeing the big picture of his life and how you’d fit in. When it comes to his finances, friends, and family, this is especially true.
He should at the very least have a pleasant lifestyle that exhibits responsibility at the age of 50. Make no excuses for him because he’s appealing, sexy, or intriguing. Examine his spending habits closely. Are any of them frightening? Would a shared financial status put you in peril if you were to consider getting married?”
Remember that when you start having serious relation in fifties, it’s not only about the guy. It’s also about you forming a new social circle when you meet his friends and family and seeing how you fit in, according to Schwartz.
Is there a major component missing here? How long does it take him to introduce you to the people that matter most to him? Don’t leave it too long until you meet his friends and family. “If he doesn’t mention them, he’s either a) not taking himself seriously or b) concealing something.”
So, whether you’re just going back into dating or have been dating for a while but haven’t found what you’re searching for, keep in mind that what you’re seeking is out there. It simply takes a little time (and work) to find it. There are a lot of people who will love you exactly as you are. “Don’t let your ego get in the way of vital values.”