Being single at forty is frequently depicted in the popular media as amusing or pitiful, but it rarely reflects the reality that single women in their forties have discovered. Dating is still (or even more) enjoyable, there are more alternatives for partners than there were before dating apps, and there’s nothing more amusing or pitiful about dating in your forties than dating in your twenties. Suzannah Galland, a life adviser, and relationship specialist works with many single women in their forties (and beyond). Reframing their perspectives to help them understand their true desires, enjoy the pleasure of dating, and attract individuals who bring them more joy. Her refreshing perspective and advice for people of all ages on figuring out what you’re really looking for on a date may be found below.
Follow Your True Desire When You’re Dating in Your Forties
Dating should be enjoyable. At any age, the sensation of waking up next to a new partner and feeling their soft breath across your skin is thrilling. However, because the media frequently portrays dating at forty (or older) in a negative light. For some, the concept of being single at forty (or older) conjures up images of what you don’t have or are losing, rather than what you do have—or are even gaining.
But, as I’ve discovered with my clients, being single “late in life” may be rather glamorous in certain ways. Many people have a sense of liberation in their forties. Whereas many women in their twenties and thirties are looking for a partner with whom to start a family. As we get older, this becomes less of a factor. Many of my clients in their forties and beyond are looking for love and/or simply enjoyment. Which is sometimes overshadowed by concerns about starting a family, financial stability, and so on.
Another advantage of dating in your forties is that you have the self-assurance that comes with age. When I see women in their forties walk into a room, I notice a difference in how they can make heads turn and pulses beat. It’s a glow, an inner strength. It is referred to as a sexual glow or simply sex appeal. It’s attractive, whatever it is.
“Being single ‘later in life might be rather enticing.”
Even so, you may believe that the on-again, the off-again dating game is stressful, which is true at any age. Examining and re-setting their anxieties and intentions around dating helps many of my single clients find satisfaction in it that they may not have felt before. What we project and how we attract others has everything to do with what’s hidden beneath the surface, whether it’s fear or curiosity. Dating may be puzzling as well as nerve-wracking. It can, however, be exhilarating.
I occasionally utilize word association techniques with clients to help them understand the importance of checking in with themselves and the impact that perception plays in their dating lives.
Coral, 42, stated that she had been abandoned when dating. She felt manipulated in order to please her (male) lovers, and she herself felt extremely needy. When I asked her to think of the term man, the first thing that came to mind was power. When I asked her to think of the term “woman,” she was stumped. Soft. This showed Coral how polarised she was when it came to dating and relationships.
Jennifer, a 46-year-old client, described the people she was dating as shallow—players who emphasized appearance over a relationship. Like Coral, connected strong words (albeit negative ones like a$$hole) with men. On the other hand, shared Coral’s affinity for the word power. Jennifer realized that she preferred to be in charge when dating and in relationships, and it seemed that the guys she’d dated in the past felt the same way. It was no surprise that she hated her ex-boyfriends because she didn’t see any harmony or balance in her dating life.
A Word Associative Technique
Assume you’re shuffling, shuffling, and then plucking out a card from a deck of cards. The subject you want to investigate is on the front of the card: yourself, dating, a specific person’s name, and so on. There will be one word on the back when you turn it over. Close your eyes for a moment. Turn the card over. Do not close your eyes. What’s the word you’re looking at right now? Say out loud the first thought that comes to your mind to yourself.
Reflecting on how clients like Coral and Jennifer (and others like them) see themselves helps them balance their dating approach. Your project and, as a result, attract what you think.
While self-work can take various forms (from counseling to meditation, for example) and can be challenging, many people are surprised at how simple it is to tap into the power of their own desires—and to channel that energy toward their dating experiences. We are pre-programmed to experience desire, connect with people, and fall in love (and not just once, with one person). Its not what gets better with age.
When it comes to romance, we’re often tempted to follow trends or conform to social norms. To regard dating later in life as unnatural (something is wrong with me). Even to ourselves, our need for perfection can overshadow our sense of self-worth and disguise our desires. If we let them, our passions can drive us at any age. The advantage of following the desires of dating in your forties rather than twenty is that you have more freedom. And the wisdom of twenty more years of life to guide you.