Dating in your twenties is very different than dating in your thirties. It’s all about having a good time when you’re twenty-something. You’re more laid-back and aren’t seeking for anything serious. Everything changes in your 30s, though. You’re not into dating for the sake of dating—after all, who has time for that? You may wish to settle down, possibly marry, and establish a family. Even if a long-term monogamous relationship isn’t your goal. You’re probably tired of the wishy washiness and nonsense you used to put up with. But, as annoying as it may be to see your friends get married and start families while you waste your Friday nights on a run of bad dates, there are a number of advantages to dating in 30s. There’s something about entering your third decade that makes you feel more grounded and safe in your own skin. You also have a great deal of wisdom and life experience. So you know exactly what you want and don’t want in life and in a companion.
We sought the expertise of two dating experts—online dating expert and digital matchmaker Julie Spira and offline dating coach Camille Virginia of Master Offline Dating—with distinct perspectives on playing the field to help you navigate the dating landscape in your 30s.
Continue reading for their dating advice for people in their 30s.
1. Make a list of what you want.
Don’t want to waste time on dates that aren’t going anywhere? Virginia advises that you first get very clear about what you desire. Past relationships and a slew of bad dates might give you a lot of insight into what you don’t want in a mate, which can help you figure out exactly what you do want. She also advises concentrating on one’s inner qualities. Yes, you clearly want to be attracted to the individual, but at the end of the day, it’s the inner qualities and basic principles that really matter.
Start focusing on your desires after you have clarity around them, which may entail some self-reflection and writing down with a pen and paper. “We attract what we think about.” Virginia explains. “So you don’t want to be in the I don’t like people who lie mindset”. Because you’ll only attract more people who lie if you do. Concentrate your energy and attention on the positive qualities you seek, and you’ll begin to see singles who exhibit such qualities everywhere you go.
2. Be clear about your aims from the start.
Spira advises revealing your intentions immediately from the start to prevent wasting time and becoming emotionally connected to someone who will never be The One. Don’t be shy about stating your want to marry, settle down, and establish a family on your dating profile.
Yes, it’s a risky move, but according to Spira, it’s the most effective method to sell the type of relationship your heart desires. Swiping left will encourage someone who is on the same page as you to swipe right, while swiping right will encourage someone who is on the same page as you to swipe left.
Virginia feels that being upfront about your intentions is important, but she recommends doing it on the first date. “There’s an art to it,” she explains. “You don’t want to make someone feel like they’re in an interview or a screening process on your first date or your first meeting”. Instead, be curious and ask questions in an authentic and sincere manner to gain a sense of their objectives.
3. Be willing to date someone who isn’t exactly your type.
Your 30s are an excellent time to date folks who aren’t your normal “type.” You just never know where it will take you. “I’ve encouraged my dating coaching clients to date beyond their safety zone, despite their initial reluctance,” says Spira. “It’s always a pleasant surprise when they love dating someone other than the ‘bad boys’ of their youth.”
That’s why Virginia places such a big emphasis on inner qualities rather than what looks nice on paper. “When you’re clear on someone’s core traits, they’ll definitely show up in an unexpected package,” she says. “If you have an open mind about how they seem, how tall they are, what nationality they are, and so on, you can find an outstanding individual you would otherwise overlook.”
4. Relieve the strain by dating in 30s
Dating in 30s can bring with it a sense of hurry to have everything “figured out,” as well as a race-the-clock mentality that puts a lot of pressure on every single meeting. “I urge singles in their 30s to relax and not worry about their age,” Spira adds. “Many people worry that after they age 39, they won’t be able to produce children and that their shelf life will be over. There is no such thing as an expiration date when it comes to love. Couples can have children later in life or adopt and yet be happy.”
Virginia agrees, adding that as long as you’re doing everything you can to attract the proper mate (i.e. getting clear on what you want, doing the inner work, putting yourself out there, meeting new people, and so on), you’ll be OK. “Wait for the appropriate opportunity to present itself and trust that it will,” she advises.
5. Get rid of the rules
All of the dating guidelines have most likely been repeated a million times. Call after three days. Don’t be overly reliant on others. Don’t be the one to make the initial move. Keep smooches to a minimum until after the first date. Toss them all out the window. Because every circumstance is so distinct, “I feel [rules] come in the way of making a real relationship,” Spira adds. “The best advice I can provide is to avoid waiting for the ‘ideal person,’ because we’re all flawed.”
6. Work on improving your social skills and increasing your self-assurance.
Virginia explains, “As humans, we’re sociable beings.” “We’re intended to be in close proximity to one another, to receive energy from one another, to communicate, to make eye contact, and to have in-person talks.” For hundreds of thousands of years, that’s how humans worked.” Things altered, largely due to technological advancements, sometime along the way. We’d lost touch with our social skills in real life.
So improving your body language and speaking abilities might well be the missing ingredient in attracting your love (if you believe in that sort of thing). But it’s not just about how you engage with others; it’s also about building your confidence so that smiling at that gorgeous stranger across the room seems natural. That’s when you enter a new mode of existence, and dating gets a lot easier.
7. Be willing to meet new individuals in person.
While dating apps have proven to be beneficial in helping people discover their match. Virginia believes that if you rely solely on them to help you meet that special someone, you’re missing out.
So, if you’re not meeting new people online, how can you find your soul mate? She says, “Everywhere.” “I’ve been asked out on an airline, in a coffee shop, and at a bus stop, to name a few places. With other single folks, there is no mystical spot. The beauty is that they’re doing exactly what you’re doing.”
8. Pay attention to your gut feelings while dating in 30s
When it comes to dating in 30s, listening to your intuition is critical. “Our intuition is always directing us,” Virginia adds. “But we’re not always ready to hear it in our 20s.” You may have tried your hardest to make things work with someone you knew wasn’t right for you. Or you may have overlooked numerous warning signals. But now that you’ve been dating and in relationships for a decade (or more),. You can truly pay attention to those indicators and inner nudges so you don’t waste your time and energy on individuals who bring you down.