I was astounded to realise how little I knew about dating and dating tips when I met my husband (the first person I wasn’t embarrassed to tell my therapist about).
In truth, I’d been approaching being single incorrectly. I didn’t have much fun with it, which is disappointing given that I didn’t pair up until I was in my 30s.
Besides, finding my match required so much luck that there are probably more alternate worlds where I’m still single than there are where I’m married.
Although I recognise that my prior experiences have shaped who I am today, I still wish I could go back in time and give poor, inexperienced “younger me” some dating tips. With all that squandered time and energy, I could have written three novels, launched a business, and travelled the Appalachian Trail. It’s too late for me, but you might be able to benefit from what I wish I’d known while I was single by following the dating tips I wish I’d followed.
These are the dating tips I wish I had known about while I was living my single life.
1. Make a list of your top priorities.
Finding a love relationship is just one of several objectives you can pursue simultaneously. There’s a difference between prioritising something and obsessing over it. No one wants to be the Captain Ahab of the dating scene. One of the best pieces of dating tips I’ve received is to enjoy your relationships but not to obsess over them!
2. Know exactly what you’re looking for in a partner and don’t budge.
For instance, if you like a guy and your common acquaintances have multiple anecdotes about him projectile vomiting after binge drinking, you might want to reconsider your feelings.
You didn’t enjoy it when your godson, who is only two years old, threw a tantrum at you.
3. Understand what true love entails.
It’s not about convincing someone that you’re suitable for them. It’s all about finding someone with whom you can spend an inordinate amount of time. It’s all about figuring out which jigsaw piece goes with your Bert and which Ernie goes with your Bert.
Speak up and be sincere, discuss your dreams and goals, and determine whether your values are similar. This is how you build a long-term, soul-satisfying relationship that will last a lifetime, dating consultants, recommend
4. Don’t make assumptions about a person’s sexual orientation.
I’ve been guilty of falling for a guy who isn’t sexually attracted to you — or any woman, for that matter.
Here’s a tip: before you go after them, find out what their sexual orientation is. It’ll make things a lot easier for you.
5. Do not allow anyone to take advantage of you.
Boyfriends might have bothersome tendencies at times. They also have little habits that show a complete lack of respect at times.
Don’t put up with that if you wouldn’t let your friend’s sweetheart talk to her like that.
6. Look for love in the appropriate locations.
If you’re bored out of your mind at the neighbourhood bar on a Saturday night, you’re unlikely to meet somebody who will make your evening more enjoyable.
Think of somewhere different to go next weekend that you might truly enjoy instead of downing an extra cocktail to mask the boredom. Even if your pals refuse to accompany you, go anyhow. Bonus dating tips: you don’t have to bring your pals with you all the time!
7. Recognize your worth.
Don’t be concerned about possible partners rejecting you because you’re too overweight, too short, or too whatever. It’s also likely that you would have had to reject them anyhow because you had never seen Star Wars (or whatever your crucial piece of pop culture is).
There are those who are simply “not the proper fit.” You’ll be happy if you can get rid of them as quickly as possible.
8. Recognize and accept your emotions.
Things could get messy quickly if you don’t comprehend your sentiments.
Relationship Coach Tony Vear recommends, “Feelings are wonderful servants but awful masters.” “You won’t be able to treat others the way they want to be treated if you don’t know how to regulate your feelings, since love is for giving, not for receiving.”
9. Go to the movies alone.
Museums, parks, and concerts are all examples of this. You miss being able to follow your every whim while you’re in a relationship.
Being unattached means not having to compromise on your goals and allowing for a nice experience.
10. Keep in mind that a first date is not a marriage audition.
It’s merely a dress rehearsal for a second date. No one ever fell in love by delving into the minutiae of their first meeting.
11. If a man says he’s too damaged for you, believe him.
Even if it is his poor self-esteem talking, you’re not going to be able to fix him. Furthermore, it’s most likely a euphemism for “I’m simply not feeling it.”
12. Don’t go out every weekend until late.
After 2 a.m., nothing good happens. If you continue to stay out longer than usual, you may overindulge, and meeting someone when inebriated is hardly a happy ending. It only leaves you with a humiliating stroll.
13. Technology should be avoided at all costs.
When it comes to dating, the internet and social media have generated paranoia. The strange guy you went on a first date with can find you on Facebook, follow you on Instagram, and use tagging and checking in to find out where you are.
Of course, dating apps are still a good way to meet new people, but be cautious and send someone your location when you meet someone in person for the first time.
14. Don’t stalk your dates on social media.
Social media may be a wonderful tool for getting to know people, but it can also be a seductress of insecurities. Don’t fall into the trap of stalking his ex-girlfriends and making lists – your mental health is more important than seeing what he used to desire in a woman.
15. Be aware of the five stages of dating.
It’s critical to understand the process so you can identify when things are going well.
Then there’s the romance and attraction phase, when you’re just getting to know one other. The second stage occurs when reality settles in and you must determine whether or not you want to remain together.
The third stage is disappointment, which occurs while you are attempting to resolve your issues and achieve stability.
The fourth stage is stability, which means you’ve made it through stage 3’s stormy waters. In an ideal scenario, the ultimate and fifth stage is commitment, when you are formally a team with a mature and sustainable love that lasts forever.
Following all five stages will lead to a long-term healthy partnership. Otherwise, you might be wasting your time.
Throughout it all, keep in mind the five most vital aspects of a relationship:
You must be concerned about your partner’s feelings.
You must be able to communicate your feelings to your companion.
Many people assume that conflict is bad, but if there isn’t any, it suggests that one of you isn’t being completely honest with the other. Differences are unavoidable, but how you handle them in your relationship matters.
You must be dedicated to each other. That means you must be willing to work together to solve problems. You and your partner should be making plans for the future together. You should be defining and enforcing the limitations you’ve established
5. You’ll need all three ancient Greek loves.
Eros (erotic love), Philios (friendship), and Agape (love) (which means to put them first).