Despite what a few TV shows (*cough* The Bachelor *cough*) and romantic romance flicks would have you believe, flirting does not require you to bat your eyelashes and giggle at every joke the other person tells. Try to flirt with confidence.
Flirting, according to Tara Fields, Ph.D., author of The Love Fix, is considerably simpler. Fields argue, “It doesn’t have to signify some type of tacky or ridiculous technique.” Unless you’re simply searching for a hookup, she says, in which case a few well-placed hair flips would suffice.
If you’re flirting with someone to get to know them, your goal should be to let them know you’re interested in them and flirt with confidence rather than trying to make them like you. Before your next virtual date or simply texting discussion, Fields recommends stating to yourself, “I just want to let this individual know that I’m interested.” According to the relationship expert, focusing on that goal will help to relieve stress in the scenario. And, perhaps, you’ll find it easier to be yourself.
It’s fine if the idea of flirting still gives you the creeps. When you’re talking to someone, a lot of things go through your head, from “Am I laughing too much?” to “Did they notice the food stuck in my teeth?” But, according to Fields, if you focus on the eight confidently flirting tips below, you may put those worries to rest. They’ll give you all the confidence you need to flirt.
How to confidently flirt with anyone? Get to know about how to flirt with confidence by reading the points below:
1. Don’t rely on premade responses
Avoid following any clichéd dating advice given by so-called dating experts. Consider: grinning and throwing your head back anytime they say something amusing, or bend and snap (sorry, Elle Woods!). Instead, attempt to be as authentic as possible, speaking as smoothly as you would with a buddy. It’s the most effective way for them to learn about the real you. It’s fine if you two don’t get along. Fields argue that that person was simply not your match.
2. Look each other in the eyes to be confident and flirty
Fields emphasize that this is a basic approach, yet it is one of the most significant. Looking someone in the eyes is a terrific approach to show that you’re not only interested in them, but also in the discussion they’re having. Don’t know where to start? “Just stare at the person,” Fields explains, “not in some false goofy come hither way, but in a way that feels genuine and organic.” Don’t give it too much thought.
According to a study published by the University of Michigan in 2012, if you’re more of a numbers person, you can follow the 50/70 rule, which states that you should make eye contact for 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening throughout a conversation. You can take a sip of your drink or take a look around the room in between those periods. This equilibrium will convey both curiosity and assurance.
3. Allow yourself to go with the flow
If you spill a little wine on your shirt during a date, rather than dwelling on it, try to make light of it by saying something like, “That’s what I get for trying to get dressed up for you.” And don’t worry about this person criticizing you because let’s be honest, “you don’t really know who this other person is at this point, so why get worked up over it?” According to Fields. There’s a good probability they’re also clumsy at times.
4. Give them a compliment to flirt with confidence
Giving someone a genuine compliment necessitates vulnerability, as Fields notes because it entails being honest about how you feel about your appearance, personality, or wardrobe. But, says Fields, even if you’re a little hesitant about telling them you love them when their nose is scrunched up in thinking, they’ll appreciate the good words and your genuineness.
5. Make the most of your surroundings
One of the advantages of the rise of dating apps, according to Fields, is that you may be more open digitally than you could be face-to-face. During video conversations, the person you’re talking to electronically will likely get a view of your home, and you may see their rescue dog wandering about in the background. Take advantage of this to get flirtatious and possibly suggest an in-person doggy playdate in the future.
6. Make inquiries to flirt with confidence
This goes hand in hand with making use of your environment, whether you’re in a bar or chatting on video chat. Fields highlight the need of noting specific details about the person and asking inquiries. If you’ve had a few conversations with them and observe that they constantly wear the same necklace, inquire as to why it’s so precious to them. Perhaps a one-of-a-kind painting on their wall has caught your eye; inquire about the story behind it. This will demonstrate to them that you’re interested in going beyond the surface of the connection.
7. Incorporate a sense of humor
You’ll have more leeway to inject some levity into your encounters once you’ve been conversing with someone for a while. Fields advise that you lean in as much as possible. It’s a foolproof approach to determine the other person’s sense of humor and show how at ease you’ve grown with each other.
So, when they call, make a joke about how their greys are coming in but they still look wonderful or make a joke about how you’re making the same bowl of pasta every evening. “If you’re searching for a relationship, you want someone who will adore you for who you are,” Fields explains.
8. Make a happy face and flirt with confidence
According to Fields, smiling demonstrates kindness. And it’s amazing how much raising the corners of your lips can make while speaking with someone. According to a study published in the journal Neuropsychologia in 2003, seeing a smiling face can stimulate the part of the brain that handles sensory rewards. Translation: When you see someone grin or smile at them, they feel special, as if they’re doing something right, which may go a long way on an awkward first date (am I right?!).