Let’s celebrate the holiday with Dating Hunger’s best dating advice in honour of the experts who pair us up when we’re too busy to date, can’t locate excellent matches, or keep choosing the wrong individuals (again and again). After all, with their clients, they’ve witnessed it all. Here’s what the experts who save us from swiping on mirror selfie after mirror selfie have to say on how to date better, from not being scared to go on a few terrible dates to chatting about your exes on a first date (yes, it may be a good thing!).
1. Don’t Worry If You Fail
“Expect to fail if you want to succeed. Consider some of today’s most successful inventors (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg), who all had to fail before succeeding. You’re that much closer to finding someone if you go on horrible dates. You can’t find love if you don’t try!” —Stef and the City’s matchmaker, Stefanie Safran
2. Discuss Your Exes
“Contrary to popular belief, discussing exes on a first date is a terrific method to learn about the other person and swiftly determine if there are any red flags that they are not relationship material.” While going into too much detail and rehashing the past can detract from the romantic atmosphere, asking a few simple questions about previous relationships can be highly illuminating. ‘Are you still in contact with your ex?’ or ‘When did your last relationship end?’ are two examples. What you’re looking for is someone who speaks nicely about their former and doesn’t immediately begin venting about what went wrong with that individual.
Bonus points if they managed to stay friends, or at the very least that the relationship ended happily. This demonstrates true maturity, which is desirable in a partner. If you get connected with this person, you’ll also get a feel of whether there are any unsolved issues that could affect you.” — Charlee Brotherton, founder of Executive Matchmakers and a relationship/dating advice expert
3. Don’t Count On A Quick Connection
“Looking for initial ‘chemistry’ can be a very limiting element at times. Half of the time, that initial attraction is just lust, not love, so if you’re fascinated after your first date, give it a chance to see whether chemistry develops as you get to know one other.” ― Erika Kaplan, Three Day Rule’s matchmaker
4. Maintain vigilance
“Put down your phone; your individual may be right in front of you, but your phone is blocking your view of him or her. We’re all guilty of living in our phones, but the screen in front of our faces may be stopping the City’s eligible [men and women] from summoning the guts to approach you and see where it leads.” Wise Matchmaking’s Brooke Wise
5. Be the best version of yourself.
“The best piece of advice I have for singles today is to be the type of person you want to attract,” says Karenna Alexander, a dating advice coach and matchmaker. “Too many people try to fill blanks in themselves by looking for a mate who has the qualities they lack, which may work on the surface but not on a deeper level.”
6. Go on a date with someone who isn’t your “type.”
“Give people a chance and date someone outside your circle. Date folks you wouldn’t date ordinarily, especially if your usual type is not working out. It’s possible that your personality type has shifted and you’re unaware of it.” Laura Bilotta, founder of Single in the City
7. Move On From Your Past
“Everyone has a grudge against someone, whether it’s genuine or imagined. You need to get over your ex-boyfriend or the woman you went out with who never returned your call. We have a tendency to compare persons we meet to our ex-partners, and in order to discover someone amazing, you must stop this self-destructive behaviour. You put this person on a pedestal who wronged you or never gave you a chance, and they don’t deserve to be there. Toss your ‘list,’ which was based on these folks who didn’t work out.” – Susan Trombetti, CEO of exclusive matchmaking
8. Date a number of people at the same time
“My number one piece of singles advice is to date as if you’re on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette! When you’re first starting out in dating, it’s a good idea to date a few different prospective future partners at once (before settling down with one of them, of course!). The advantage of dating numerous individuals before being exclusive is that you can date objectively instead of putting all your eggs in one basket and becoming emotionally connected to Mr. Wrong. You’ll be able to see the great and negative aspects in your suitors more clearly, and you’ll be able to let your heart and mind decide who you think can provide you what you want in a more serious relationship.” Matchmaker and dating advice specialist Alessandra Conti, co-founder of the company in the City
9. Be prepared at all times
“You never know who you’ll run into if you’re single, whether it’s at work or a dental visit, the car wash on Sunday or running errands. As a result, make an effort to look your best at all times. Looking your best boosts your self-esteem and confidence, which rubs out on everyone around you and attracts [possible partners] like a magnet!” Relationship expert and matchmaker.